Scar Tissue
by Jurei
Summary: [Oneshot] Inspired by the end of GN12. Basically, Cesia's thoughts on Rath...once again, not incredibly angsty, but somewhat darker than Feeling This. R&R!


Hyo minna! Here's one of those one-shots I promised to write in my profile…and yes, I know it's been ages since I last updated a major fic, but my life has been pretty crazy lately. ;;; As requested, this is another Rath/Cesia…this time, from her perspective. What with GN 12, I feel I can probably understand her thinking a little more than before...;;;

Disclaimer: Dragon Knights belongs to Mineko Ohkami-sensei…and she's welcome to it. As the manga-ka, I don't think I could deal with Rath's constant angsting and the frequent character deaths/twisted side stories without losing my mind completely. ;;;

Now, without further ado, the fic! Written to The Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Scar Tissue"…which, oddly enough is the name of the fic….;;;

Scar Tissue

_A Dorakon Kishidan (Dragon Knights) fanfic presented by Jurei_

The one thing I've known about you from the beginning is that you are probably the most screwed-up individual I've ever met. Bierrez comes close…and then there's Nadil…but you beat them both by a good ten yards in the race for "Most disturbed youkai of the year".

Really, the conclusion I've come to is that there's two of you…the happy, child-like Rath that I met in our first run-in, and the twisted, depressed Rath that I've had the…er…_pleasure_ of getting to know during our travels. You know…the one with all the angst and the suicidal tendencies.

Strangely enough, though, I find that I'm not scared or repulsed by you in the least. Sure, I know that your inner demon has the power to turn Dusis to dust as a mild work-out…but I'm not one to talk. I've got Dark Cesia to deal with, so if anyone has any inclination as to what goes on in that twisted mind, it's probably me.

…Which is why it pisses me off so much when you go off and brood, like you're some kind of misunderstood teenager. You act like you're alone in the world…like I don't exist.

Idiot.

In some ways, I envy you. Even though no one's told me what happened to make you hate the Dragon Tribe so much, but it can't have been worse than growing up as Nadil's favourite little toy. You say that they're using you…so what? They used me for years, and you don't see me sitting in a corner like a kicked puppy. You've just got to deal…that's how things are. You learn to deal with it, so that it doesn't tear you apart.

Like when you died.

You scared me…I couldn't accept that you were dead. Maybe I was in shock, maybe in denial…who knows? But it just wouldn't sink in…which is probably a good thing, considering I brought you back. After all, I did promise that I wouldn't let you die…and I don't like breaking promises. I felt guilty…_angry_. Here you were, dead as a doornail, while Nadil cavorted around in your body, and here I was, being completely useless.

You _died_, fool! I brought you back, and you couldn't even show a little gratitude for once…oh no, not the Great Rath! You had to go and act all pissed off…like I did something _bad_ by bringing you back.

And, in a way, I can understand…Crewger, Kaistern…they're _gone_. In the space of a single day, the effort and lives of close to six people was combined to bring you back…but they're not coming back, and you know it.

But, being your completely bastard self, you push away the gift of their lives with both hands.

What's wrong with you!? Why can't you see that everyone in the Dragon Clan is basically falling over themselves for your sake? Damnit, they LOVE you, Rath! And every time, you acccuse them of using you…of treating you like a plaything.

I don't know what happened to make you so blind…heck, being _your_ history we're talking about here, I don't even think I _want_ to know. The thing I do know, though, is that we're similar in some ways, while completely different in others…but the similarities stand. We have to stick together.

…And, I guess I admit that I don't hate you, like I said. In fact, I know that for certain. I've tried…but I can't seem to hate you, no matter how much I want to. I envy you, I'm frustrated by you…but I can't hate you.

So here I am, watching you sleep…I'm pretty sure that being brought back to life has to be pretty tiring, so I'll let you go without the tongue-lashing I want to give you so badly. I even kissed you goodnight…I couldn't resist. You look so cute when you're confused…though you'll never get me to admit it. Your ego doesn't need any more fuel…or maybe it does…I guess that's the main thing about you. All the scar tissue's built itself into different Raths, so I have no clue what you need and don't need…except to be held every once in a while, it seems.

Darnit, now I'm blushing.

I have no clue what that hug was about before…but I could tell that you really needed it, so I didn't pull away. Plus, hugging you was…nice. Maybe I actually found it enjoyable…

I won't be admitting that any time soon, either.

I walk outside, hesitant to leave your room. You seem to need the most supervision of anyone I know, and I don't want to leave you alone long enough for you to get into trouble. But…it can't be helped. I can feel them…and they're here for me.

I walk outside, and Nadil's standing there, waiting. He's got that stupid superior grin on his face, as always.

Bastard.

Standing here, I can't help but feel like I would like nothing more than to gouge his eyes out with a spoon. However, there's no alternative…I've come to care about everyone in the Dragon Clan so much that I'd rather die than see any of them hurt. Funny, almost, how the people you seem to despise so much, I'm willing to sacrifice myself for…I'm willing to put my freedom on hold for a little while…if it means I can buy them some time…

Nadil pulls me close to him, and I can't help but notice how different it feels to be held by him than when you held me before. It's technically the same body, but different…it's like it's been tainted already. You were warm…I can't feel anything from Nadil other than cruelty and darkness.

I take one last look back at the castle, and I can't help but wish that you were here with me…but as soon as the thought comes, I rip it to shreds. Its better this way…the Dragon Clan is safe for a while, Nadil is somewhat pacified…

You're safe.

I notice how bright the moon is…how peaceful and beautiful everything is when its being illuminated by moonlight. The last light I'lls ee for a while…

…And soon, even that disappears as the shadows block out my vision, and everything goes black.

Owari

Sigh I know, minna-san…weird. And, I don't think that Cesia was really in character…but, unfortunately, that's the best I can do for now…Ohkami-sensei really hasn't outlined her character as well as Rath's (he's so different from all the other characters that it's easier to write something from his perspective).

Well, I hope you enjoyed it anyways…. Onegai, review! It makes me feel special. ;;;


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